21/07/05

today was a tiring but fun day!

econs test just killed the joy for awhile. had to nap to escape all the unhappiness and disappointment...

later on at PW, was asked to go sonic fest... most likely i cannot make it.... sorry!:(

after school, went reckying at Sembawang (!) area for Bible quiz competition preparations for the boys... it was quite discouraging at first, going all the way to near Woodlands? figured won't be home till late when i realised i could meet up with my friend from RJ! after finishing the recky much faster than expected, met him at Bishan. the recky made me feel like an expedition pro for awhile...

the meeting with my friend really cheered me up? it was great talking to him again, and we were talking about personal and funny stuff mixed together. found out some unpleasant things about me ( yeah all the way in RJ. wonder about the stuff that gets around there) when i was just being nice. oh well...

on the way home there was this kid next to me, with his head going everyway as he was asleep...

conclusion? great day!

Er Jian, could i borrow the book? wanted to read! Mr Albom also wrote Tuesdays with Morrie. That one is a great book! Made me cry when i read that Mr Morrie died at the end of the book. I learnt not only of a strange disease ( your muscle melts like wax until your lungs fail you. Till then you cannot even move about or eat as the disease progresses. Incurable) , but also the way the man looked at his life. one part that struck me was when Mr Albom asked, " what if you were well for a day?" All Mr Morrie wanted was a normal day he usually led before he got the disease. Contentment! he didn't even want to meet Mr Clinton or fly to the moon or something. never really took anything for granted...

Chun Teck: I am sorry to hear that... pls take care and grieve if you have to... don't hold back? don't suppress your sadness... or any emotion for that matter

anony: i guess... ya sometimes in a way we are taken for granted too. when we are in pain, people familiar to us think that we can handle it ourselves. guess familiarity breeds contempt, and we are guilty of not being nice too. when was the last time we ever truly practiced basic courtesy with our friends, let alone our family members? in a way basic courtesy is more than just a civil way of life, it is a safeguard against contempt. or at least it is to me. try it? and real nice of you to tolerate the way your family treats you. sometimes it could just kill my whole day. and it struck again! Haiz... ain't the first time from the same person. just told him not to read my blog entry and ... oh never mind

i guess we are all going through the same thing. for one i haven't done any tutorials yet... and they are due in 8 hours time! wooooooot! cheer up man... to the point where you dance in the rain and smile in the storm:) that might be a sign that we are above our cirumstances?

wilbur: hahaha... sorry man... i think i took your words too seriously... peace ya? this should not only speak to you but to those you represent to i hope? :)

DURIAN lover: hahah you love durians? heard they are good for asthma and cough and what not... but man i just don't like to eat them, all sticky and weird and what not... probably eat once a year....

when i reached home today, i was eating dinner when i overheard a part in the TV programme my grandma was watching. it was about some guy breaking the news of death of someone in the family, and then everyone was caught in shock for a while before they started crying and denying facts.

death. isn't it a painful thing? it is something i think about quite a bit too. and now with the passing of Chun Teck's grandfather, it just gives us something more to reflect on.

i remembered the funeral 3 years ago and i didn't really cry until after watching his cremation. and when i wept, i wept really bitterly. he was an unrecognised war hero, made his own company, supported the whole family well, only to die from smoking. when he stopped it was too late. upon going home that day there was an emptiness. over time i got used to it, but his smiling face in my grandma's room is really the only solid memory i have of him. the rest of it were war stories or his exercises he did in his room. now i think of it, it just makes me nostalgic too. he was a great man.

sometimes i wonder if you guys think of this, but do you guys think of stuff like what will happen when i die? i thought of stuff like how many people will attend my funeral? how much would i have done on earth by then? what would be left of me? etc etc

that funeral thing came about when i read about this super drummer guy who died in 1992. 15000 or so people attended his funeral. made me think, like if i were to die, would 15000 people attend my funeral? haha weird thoughts... probably bred out of a hope to be popular or to have just impacted people for just who i was...

yeah kinda irritating yeah? all the thoughts are really about "i" in the end. somehow it is another safeguard kinda thing again, to treasure life while we have it, and to do the best we can, not just for ourselves but for others too. but sometimes thinking beyond that, people just want to leave something behind, to have altered or changed the course of history, just like Albert Einstein or some famous scientists. that way probably one might actually live forever? don't know, just felt that people just like being remembered

remember Anne Frank? she lives after her physical death because of her diary. that was really why i started writing in one too, in hope one day people will read it after i die or something and learn something more. after all, we all got our story to tell, and i think we all can be millionaires just writing about our individual lives and each script as a different story. but as i wrote, i realised to write a diary just to be remembered was quite naive and shallow, and from then on i used it ( or them) as something to express myself whether i had anyone to turn to or not. it serves a reminder of who i was, or who i am supposed to be, like helping me stay true to myself. i remembered there was a time after reading the first few diary entries in my life, i felt tears heavy in my eyes, because i realised i had changed so much and all that. still, had it not been for this legacy thing, diary writing would have never really caught on for me...

someone told a phrase that just consisted of "leave behind the fragrance of love". more than just a life mission, leaving a fragrance of love leaves behind a legacy too, in that we will never really die because of the memories of care, concern etc that everyone has received from your acts of kindness and all that.

then again there is a trend of history makers who make history without intending to do so. all they did was just do the thing they did well at, and sorta excelled at it. i doubt Ms Anne Frank, a gifted writer, wrote a diary to publish it in future for cash or something.

hahah i also don't really know what i am getting at. just thought of death, and thought about so many things regarding death. just letting my thoughts run wild and free... so sorry if you guys cannot really catch my train of thought because there never really was one... i do think about such things. just was never really able to fully express until now.

sorry for all the blabber...

Hi