what's in a blog

I see this blog is getting deader and deader.

Perhaps when we started this class blog we envisioned it as a place where we could talk about anything and everything under the sun, even stuff that were supposedly rather personal and quite uncomfortable to talk about it public. We (ok, more like me only) envisioned it as a symbol of the so-called class spirit in s44 where we could approach each other and talk freely and openly without qualms or the fear of being labelled as weird. We thought we'd see more weird and quirky stuff here.

We were wrong.

Maybe I was too idealistic, to think that a group of 25 people from wildly diverse backgrounds and upbringings could get together and really talk and treat each other as though you would treat your soulmate/best friend/loved ones/whatever. Maybe I was too optimistic.

Over these 17 months I have come to accept the class for what it is. From 0740 when we stand in line to sing the national anthem and recite the pledge, to the end of lessons, we attend lessons together. We sit at the same table together. We fall asleep in boring lectures together. We laugh and joke and bitch together. Then after the end of lessons...what happens? We walk away to assume our identities as CCA members or good friends outside of school. Perhaps the above scenario is inevitable in every class, no matter how bonded they appear there will always be a prioritizing of relationships and friends.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not attacking or hating or bitching about this class. I am just coming to terms with the fact that my ideals of an ideal class were totally baseless and unrealistic. And after talking to the people in the other classes and other schools I have come to realise that this is true throughout every JC in Singapore and not to this school alone. And then I realise that other classes appear more united and whatnot but that's just a facade to what lies underneath.

So now this blog lies a bit dead and abandoned. I perhaps have spent too much time on it, posting whatever I could think of and trying to drag this blog back from the dead. Maybe I should just let sleeping dogs lie and let others have a chance to post instead of artifically pumping up the post count. Accept the fact that blogging on a group blog should be spontaneous and not just to make it look active. And respect the privacy that others should deserve.

I don't know how many of you actually read and appreciate this little virtual piece of work that some of the class has contributed to. Or bother to check it every day or every week. But yet I hold a faint hope that people will read this. And then actually do something about it. Perhaps have another memorable outing like the one we had last year immediately after OP. Something to remember our 2 years together by, before we go into mugging mode for the A levels and then after that....who knows? Perhaps I haven't tried hard enough at organising stuff and outings, compared to the junior CT reps councillors who are much more enthu than any of us now. Maybe I gave up too early and got discouraged.

I didn't write all of this because I was depressed or angry or angsty or suicidal. No, I wrote this because I actually want to see something change but am too afraid of failure to do anything about it with solid actions, instead of just sitting at a computer typing this. There's still some time left, let's make the remaining months count.

We have suffered a lot together, but we haven't laughed a lot together.

-erjian