modeerf fo eciohc

This post isn’t going to talk about the value of life being greater than whatever stressors capable of instigating suicide, or argue against suicide in general. Wilburs already done that. Im just going to attempt to shed some light.

I don’t know the first guy. The second guy was only an acquaintance. So logically, the news shouldn’t have affected me beyond usual. But I was. Im not too sure what it was. It might have been the tragic loss of lives, it might have been the details of the way Jonathan left, but it probably was the juxtapose of both suicides, because there was an exponential increase – or rather, decrease in mood with news of the second one.

But it was also something else. I was reminded of when I had thought about suicide. In both senses of the word. And I gained a deeper understanding of what I already knew, that when it comes to crunch time, sometimes no amount of logic or reason will “enlighten” you to the truth. Its in double inverted comers because of this logic : at ‘crunch time’, to the involved, the ‘truth’ and the ‘right thing to do’ would be what was being currently attempted. What then, is there to be enlightened about?

So steering back, as I’ve learnt before, it is not so easy to say ‘no’ when it comes down to it. Just as people last year told me countless times and I myself was acutely aware, it was stupid to be wasting my time on computer games with a promo paper just the next day. Totally ridiculous. Absolutely foolish. Yet I couldn’t control myself. So now then we ask of these people : what is it that could be so insurmountable that you’d have to contemplate suicide? Is there no other better solution? I’d answer : no, for me there is no solution other than this, I know there might be better ways of handling the situation but yet Im still doing it.

That would be the same reason you sometimes hear stories of people who seemed to be having everything – on our level ; good grades, popular, liked by teachers, attached, bright future, glowing recommendations, you know, the complete perfect picture, or on a higher level ; good careers, family, high flying professionals. You hear stories of these people committing crimes or doing drugs and you ask yourself, why? For the very same reason. It’s the explicable psyche of the human mind. Intelligible only to those on the inside and utterly inexplicable to others on the outside.

I think you might understand better once you’ve had a walk through that particular park. Even so, it has put me in a somewhat contemplative mood. A natural state of melancholy. Pensive reflection.


ps: thanks to those who were concerned about me, no Im not depressed or (gasp!) contemplating suicide. Im just thinking. It’ll take awhile to wear off.


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